The Enneagram

Point Four:  The Tragic Romantic

THE NINE TYPES
1  Perfectionist
2  Giver
3  Performer
4  Tragic Romantic
5  Observer
6  Devil's Advocate
7  Epicure
8  Boss
9  Mediator

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The passion is "envy" with the corresponding fixation of "melancholy".

Envy is acted out according to the subtype as competitive (sexual subtype), feelings of shame (social subtype) and reckless/dauntless (self-preservationist subtype).

Attention tends toward something special that is missing or unavailable. Fours frequently report childhood experiences of loss and/or abandonment.

The leading issues of the type are as follows:

Envy:

Noticing what other's have that they do not. It's not so much that they covet what another has, it's more like "what's wrong with me or my life that I can't enjoy having the same."

 

"I am the oldest of 4 sisters - I am 5 years older than the next sibling, 10 years older than the next and 12 years older that the last. When this incident occurred, I was either 5 or 10 but I really can't say for sure. I suspect I may have been ten. I walked into the living room. My mother was sitting in a chair with my sister in her lap and my mother was gazing very intently at my sister. It was almost as if Mom was studying every inch of my sister so that she would never forget what she looked like. At the same time, Mom was gently rubbing my sisters cheek with her finger. My mother never even realized I was there and I left the room without saying anything. This memory is very strong and I suspect several subconscious decisions were made by myself at that time. Twenty-eight years later, when I met my husband, the first time we went out he gently stroked my cheek with his fingers - I was hooked instantaneously and never realized why for a long time! Anyway, I suspect that incident with my mother and sister was a reinforcement that I was no longer "good enough" for that kind of attention. I was replaced (and as the oldest, of course I had a lot of responsibility for the care of my sisters). So, I guess that was either the birth of envy or the reinforcement of the feeling of it from an earlier time." -- LF

 

Unique:

Feeling special, different. Perhaps even feeling like a misfit.

Feelings:

Feelings often are paramount in the experience of a Four, especially melancholy. Feelings seem to be what is real about experience. Experience is "mapped" by one's feelings.

Empathetic:

Fours are in touch with the suffering and emotions of others, sometimes experiencing the emotions of another as if such emotions were there own.

Intensity:

Feelings are felt intensely, both high and low feelings. The high's and low's are the preferred experience. The ordinary is to be avoided.

Loss and Abandonment:

Attention drifts to what is not available, that which is missing and fears of abandonment. "It's more desirable to 'long for' than to have."

Searching:

Looking for what is lost or gone. Searching for authenticity. A desire to get into the depths of an issue.

Aesthetics:

An appreciation for beauty, a sensitivity to appearances. Romantic and artistic.

Relationship:

Relationships often are a major focus, if not the major focus. Four's often report experiencing a push/pull phenomenon in relationships in which they see the best of what they don't have and the worst of what they do have.

The above is but a brief recap of the some of the issues which may or may not dominate the life of a Four.

FOUR