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The EnneagramPoint Two:
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The following is an e-mail version of a class or workshop in the oral tradition conducted in May and June of 1997 which features panels of exemplars who present the characteristics of a type through through their personal stories and first hand accounts. Panels were conducted via e-mail postings between facilitator and panel participants through the Enneagram Mail List.
LaurieJill@aol.com (2w1): I am a 2w1 and resonate with just about all of the "typical" two characteristics. I enjoy doing for others, and selfish has always been a dirty word for me. I have prided myself in my abilities to solve problems, being aware of others feelings, and connecting to them in order to make them feel better. It is natural and normal for me to do what others need before I am even aware of what my needs might be. I used to feel this was right and noble, the One-wing behavior, until I became involved in the Work (Gurdjieff) and started having impressions of my self and an awareness of the underlying give-to-get needs followed by the anger and resentment if appreciation wasn't forthcoming. High expectations at a very deep level. I was able to see the damage this behavior (the co-dependency) has done to my own children and how I have perpetuated their weaknesses in order to feel NEEDED. Yuck! Now I occasionally have enough space to walk away from helping everyone because I have seen my own need and look to myself to fill that hole instead of to the external, and never satisfying, solution.
Trying to "connect" is a natural instinct for me and I will go inside without being invited and sometimes make people very uncomfortable without meaning to. I tend to be intrusive in this way and I am attempting to be more aware of this. Years ago, when I worked in a hospital, I was able to get inside a person and see where we could connect in order to make the person less fearful of the exam they were about to have. I would scoot around in their energy until I found where they could be met and enjoy the success of having them think we were the best of friends by the time they left. I came home exhausted.
I am in a long-term relationship with a 5w4 which has allowed me to deal with so many Two issues that it would take a few weeks to tell you all about it. Suffice it to say, his fear of being overwhelmed and my need to connect has been interesting work for both of us.
I have a great deal of strength and a well-developed rebel. Most of the people who know me have seen my anger and are afraid of that energy in me. I am like a big cat (panther maybe) who will sit there with her tail twitching and then pounce in a moment of their weakness. I have felt completely justified in the past, righteous indignation and such, for hurting someone who I believe has hurt me. I can also be incredibly nurturing. So you never know what you're going to get. I can see where this would upset some people.
Paul (4w5): I am a 4w5 and I'm in a relationship with a 2w3. I'm wondering if your relationship issues are similar to mine. A major one I've seen is that she is quite profuse with compliments and attention while I save my compliments for "special" situations and I tend to want my "alone" time. So I detect insincerity in her compliments and she feels taken for granted by me. Intellectually we both recognize we each are just expressing our fixation, but emotionally it still causes tension. On the good side, my doing-repressed behavior is a great compliment for her doing-enabled behavior. I learn to get out more and she learns to slow down. Does any of this ring a bell with you?
LaurieJill (2w1): Well, I should say it does. I am not a big compliment giver though. I have a great deal of trouble both giving and especially receiving them. I want my 5w4 to spend time with me and give me ATTENTION. And that means conversation and physical touching. It used to be that when he wanted his "alone" time, which was often, I would take it personally and couldn't understand that he really cared. He hated talking on the phone for any length of time. And again, to me it felt uncaring. He would feel my anger/disappointment and retreat further. Over time we have closed this gap. I have been able to see caring in the little things he does for me or the effort he makes to now talk on the phone. And I have had a miracle of "letting go" and no longer obsess on what he does or doesn't do. I accept him more the way he is and it has allowed him to feel safer and therefore get over his fears of being overwhelmed. And we have become a lot closer. It actually does work, the surrendering to what is. As soon as you can let it go, it comes to you.
We still have lots to work with though, and I think the 5w4 or 4w5 combination with a Two is a tough one.
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