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The following discussions are organized according to the chief issues or characteristics of Point One, The Perfectionist. These personal accounts illustrate how people of this type have experienced the main characteristics of the type. For a general description of the type, please go to Point One.
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- Jack (1): The One often will attempt and may succeed in
couching his/her critical comments in language that attempts to soften the outburst.
Ted (5): I've never heard of a One attempting to couch "his/her critical comments in a language that attempts to soften the outburst". That would be "diplomatic", a quality which I have never seen in a One!
Jack: (1) Curious . . . One's are known for their attempts to control their impulses so as to be proper, diplomatic, appropriate, right, polite, etc.
Ted: (5) Perhaps what I should have said is that attempts by Ones to "soften the outburst" aren't often noticed by people like me. A "softened outburst" may not seem diplomatic because it may be interpreted as being pedantic or condescending.
Jack (1):You make a good point. Though a One may be self-editing, and self-controlled, he or she may not be successful on the "softened outburst". Other's often see through the one's attempt at self-control. In other words, the Ones' self image may differ from the image perceived by the other. I can remember a situation in which I saw myself as open, understanding and available to my staff. The staff saw me as cold and aloof.
Cherry (1): I am a one, as I have stated before. I have been aware of being very opinionated for quite some time. I can read on people's faces that I have "overstepped normal boundaries" when discussing something. I think my mother made me aware of my sharpness first. I do try to soften what I say regularly now. I almost always preface something that I perceive will be taken harshly with, "in my experience" or "in my opinion" or "this is the way it happened to me". I like people best who I do not have to do that with. It makes me feel comfortable, safe and accepted.
If I perceive that what I am saying is going over like the proverbial lead balloon then I will often pretend that I forgot what I was going to say next.
I have often been accused of being condescending and/or extremely sarcastic--even when I am trying to "soften the blow". I have told many that I wish that I could live on an island because I so often feel misunderstood. Why don't people want to know the truth? Of course, I don't always want the real truth when it comes to my behavior either, but that is beside the point.
Fred (4w3): This "diplomacy" of which Jack speaks "does" indeed occur in Ones. And it's not merely an occasional "One thing." In fact, it's one of the key signs by which I deduct that the person in question might very well be a One. Here is how it works: when (or if) Ones realize that they are being (or sounding) overtly opinionated and egocentric, then they will start to introduce digressions in their long, preachy discourses, usually containing such phrases as "...or at least this has been the case as *I* see it," or "...I may be wrong, but I think that...," or "in "'my' opinion..." The point being made is always that other people are not necessarily obligated to think exactly the way that the One does, and Ones usually use this diplomatic technique when they become aware that they're *sounding* as if they would obligate their audience to think as they do.
My own father is a One, as are a couple of my current professors. They all do this. Trust me.
- For related comments, also see: Judgement
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- Paul (4w5): Jack, help me here to understand Ones better. I seems to me that the desire to be diplomatic might be a very strong trait in a One. (Being un-diplomatic m hurt someone and It's not right to hurt people.) But that leads to another paradox: It's not right to be judgmental, so I must not make judgements, such as thinking "It's not right to be judgmental." Do some or many or none or just one Ones wrestle with this?
- Jack (1): The judgement of the One, like judgement for most all of us (as well as like the characteristics of each of the types), is mostly unconscious and operating before the One, if ever, is aware of it. A One, therefore, usually would not be in the position to judge his/her own judgement. By definition, that which is unconscious is unconscious.
- But, as you suggest, I'm sure that for some Ones, judgement may be so pronounced that even they are aware of the characteristic and may be caught in that mental trap. Or, maybe a One has been so criticized for his/her judgement that he/she is hypersensitive to the habit and does end up wrestling with "It's not right to be judgemental."
- Also, once a Point One becomes aware of the judging mind then it becomes an issue of being able to tell the difference between the fixated pattern of judging and what we might call discernment, or, righteous judgement, i.e., judgement or discernment which is appropriate for the situation.
- Likewise, a person would be ill advised to tell a Six to forget about his/her fear. Rather, the Six should be encouraged to check out the reality of the situation that is being doubted rather than acting out the fear. The fear, and the attendant characteristics of the fear-based personality, has been of great service to the Six.
- Like I said in an earlier post, becoming conscious of our patterns does not negate the value of those skills developed over a lifetime of being fixated or unconscious.
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- For additional information about the Enneagram, please see:
The Enneagram: An Adventure In Self-Discovery
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